Don’t Make People Tell Lies

It is one thing for you to tell a lie.  It is another to cause others to tell lies because of you.  Telushkin gives an interesting example.  If two people are whispering in your presence, then it can be assumed they don’t want you to hear what they are discussing.  If you ask them, they will probably tell you a lie - you are causing them to lie.  Curiosity is one thing - it drives discovery - but we must all be aware of when being curious is appropriate and when it will simply lead us to cause harm to others.  An interesting idea to consider.

Be Fair To Your Enemy

I find this a very powerful teaching, even if he doesn't spend a lot of time with it.  The Book of Proverbs teaches, “If your enemy is hungry - give him bread to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.” (25:21).  As he notes at the end, we are not commanded to love our enemies, but we are commanded to be fair to them.

What a powerful teaching this is, in light of the recently ended (?) Gaza War - a battle in which black was white, and up was down.  

Untamed Anger and the Death of Love

The only time that romantic love is referenced from a woman’s point of view is the love between Michal and David.  Unfortunately, theirs was a childless, angry marriage.  When David conquered Jerusalem and brought the Tabernacle to the city, he danced in the streets with the people.  Michal thought this an undignified way for a king to behave, and told David as much.  Rather than taking a breath, he responded that he was the man who had conquered Jerusalem, unlike her father.  Her father (and brothers) had been recently killed while battling the Philistines.  Telushkin says that the next comment in the Torah is that Michal remained childless throughout her marriage to David.

Anger between people is normal. How we respond to our anger makes all the difference.  David and Michal’s marriage was based on mean spirited arguments (according to Telushkin) - this is a sure way to sour a relationship, even one that began in love.  Be careful how you treat the other - the theme continues to ring true.

Do Not Stand By While Your Neighbor’s Blood Is Shed

This is one of those “WHAT?” jumps.  From not being rude to this - one of the foundational tenets in Leviticus.  As Telushkin points out - Jewish law is based on OBLIGATION, American law is based on rights.  According to American law, we are under no legal obligation to help someone in need; according to Jewish law, not acting puts you in league with Cain, when he asked, “Am I my brother’s keeper.”  Yes, according to Jewish law, you are.  You are not obligated to put your own life in danger, but at the very least - seek help for a victim.  And if you can help someone with little chance of hurting yourself, then jump in and help.

The Little Indecencies That Reveal Character

Don’t.  Be.  Rude.  Lev 19:15 reminds us that “in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor.”  Give the other the benefit of the doubt.  But when the other acts in a demonstrably rude way, be wary of further interactions.  The person who cuts you off in line, or jumps into the cab you hailed.  Give the person the benefit of the doubt (“Maybe he had an emergency and he really needed the cab”), but don’t let yourself be taken advantage of.  

For Whom Was I Named?

This question is the first lesson that I am going to ask to my “Downtown Project” families.  I am meeting the 5 kids for the first time on Sunday, September 14 - and that is the question that I want them to be able to answer, “For whom were you named?”

Telushkin writes that we are a story-telling culture, we pass down our knowledge from one generation to the next through the stories that we tell.  He is saddened by how few people know much of anything about the person for whom they are named.  As he says, if we don’t learn their stories, then their stories die with them, and that is such a loss.

Tomorrow I am going to do my first Temple Shalom interview - “Growing Up Jewish” - it should prove to be a very moving experience.  I have no idea where these stories may lead, but I’m hoping that I’ll hear some wonderful stories.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to pick up steam on this…”For whom was I named?” is a question which might lead to so many wonderful stories.

Help Someone Laugh

This is near and dear to my heart, and for a long time, I didn’t realize the importance of this simple maxim.  I have always been pretty good at making people laugh, but, like Groucho Marx, wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member - making people laugh was somehow frivolous.

But Telushkin quotes a midrash from Ta’anit  Elijah declares that the only two people worthy of a place in the World To Come happen to be two comedians, cheer up the depressed in a local marketplace.

I am reminded of the time nearing the end of Daredreamer.  It had been a long and difficult shoot, and we were nearing the end of the shooting schedule.  We had a particularly tricky day set up, and the production manager was a bit worried about a late afternoon shot in an ‘iffy’ location.  But when she looked at the schedule and saw that I was going to be on set at that particular location, she told me that she was relieved, because I had the ability to keep things moving and light as a result of having a good sense of humor.

I had never really experienced this kind of endorsement before.  My sense of humor could be of value?  Why hadn’t that ever been pointed out (or maybe I simply  hadn't heard it).  Anyway - that simple comment has had a powerful impact on the past 30 years.

Telushkin reminds us that Ecclesiastes points us that there is a time to weep and a time to laugh (3:4), “and sometimes, there is a time to make others laugh.”