The Special Obligation to Visit and Help People, Particularly Poor People, Who Are Sick

Telushkin cites the story of Rabbi Akiva, who visited a poor student when no other rabbis would.  The student recovered, and credited his recovery to Rabbi Akiva’s visits.  “Visiting the sick” is a mitzvah that rewards us in the ‘world to come.’  Not only do visits provide tangible results - a hot meal, a clean house, a visit to the doctor; these visits might provide those intangible benefits of human contact - laughter, a gentle touch, companionship.

Were Akiva’s visits the cause of the student’s recovery?  Who can say.  But like the prayer we say before the Amidah, “Prayer may not mend a broken bridge or water a parched field” - to which I always want to add - “But what if it does?”  I still believe that part of the reason the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series was because the fans “Believed”.  All of the energy that went into the universe as a result of Red Sox Nation believing, was, I am confident, no small contributor to the Sox victory.

But the benefit is not just for the visited.  It was my extraordinary blessing to be able to help friends who were suffering through a cancer death.  The experience of helping where and when I could has changed me in ways that I cannot yet put into words.  Being in the home at the time of my friend’s death is something that has made me a stronger person.  I am coming to believe, more and more, in the power of unintended consequences.  We can never know how much of a difference a shared joke, a hug or simple, “how are you?” might make in someone’s life.  

It takes so little effort to make a difference.

Who Is Wise?

Who is wise?  One who foresees the consequences of his own acts.

(Babylonian Talmud)

It is interesting that this is the direction Telushkin goes.  Another tractate answers, "He who learns from everyone."  He goes on to cite Torah and Talmud references that ensure that the physical structures one intends to build are built safely - roofs must be built with parapets, wells and holes with guard rails. Can this be extended to our relationships?  Is it possible for a wise person to foresee  the consequences of his actions upon others?  I don't think so.  Talmud goes on to remind us that "All is known in heaven except for mans will."  We can, and should, always act in a way that we believe is non-injurious to our community, but how can we ever know how our actions will be seen by others?  We act with the best of intentions, but in a sense, I don't think any of us are truly wise in regard to Telushkin's ideal.   

Don't Steal Another Persons Mind

A liberal translation for the idea that you should never make an offer that you know the other cannot accept. Don't offer to split the bill if you will be Offended by the offers acceptance.   The Talmud says that you should not invite a friend to eat with you if you know that he has just eaten.  Can we apply this to current world politics- specifically the meltdown in the Mideast?

Don't make an offer you know the other side can't accept. Could Abbas and Netanyahu seriously negotiate with each other?  Can Israel talk honestly with Iran or the Kurds?  Is there a Palestinian Tal Becker?  

As Long As The Candle Us Still Burning

Quoting a story from the 19th century rabbi, Israel Salanter, about the tailor who would keep mending clothes as long as the candle was still burning.  Especially after the escalating horrors of this week, as long as the candle is still burning, let us find ways to mend relationships with ourselves, friends, family - anyone with whom we need to mend.  It's raining today, hurricane Arthur approaches, driving back from Whole Foods, I passed a drenched stranger and thought about offering him a lift.  I didn't, but is thought about it.  It's a start, I guess.  Shabbat shalom! 

Return Lost Objects

It is a mitzvah to return a lost item to it’s rightful owner.  It is my obligation to do all that I can do in order to achieve that goal.  He quotes Deuteronomy about returning a neighbor’s stray sheep or ox.  “The Torah’s words ‘you must take it back to your fellow’ remind us that keeping an item we have found is not LIKE stealing; it IS stealing.”

Again, this is pretty concrete.  I’m looking for some metaphor.  How do you return another’s innocence or hope?  How do you return someone’s lost passion?  Can my actions be seen as the returning of those items - if I live my life in such a way that I don’t take advantage of someone else’s innocence, or hope?  If I don’t act as if the thing about which someone once was passionate is not worth being passionate about once again?

Return lost objects.  How do you return someone’s belief in themselves or their love?  

Judge the Whole of the Person Favorably

This aphorism, from Pirkei Avot, is usually translated at “Judge everyone favorably,” but by Telushkin’s reckoning, this isn’t accurate.  How does this idea compare with yesterdays?  Yesterday, Telushkin seemed to suggest that it is important to give careful consideration to ‘the other person’ when considering reasons you might feel slighted by the actions of that person.  Today, Telushkin emphatically notes that he is not suggesting that one give a bank robber a position at a bank.  Rather, when considering a person’s behaviors, think about the whole person.  Is she someone who has always been a friend, but in this one instance might have acted imprudently?  Do her positive qualities outweigh her negative ones?  If so, go with the positive.  Similarly, I guess, if someone has often behaved in a socially inappropriate manner, it might take more than one or two good behaviors to demonstrate that she has become a better person.

No one acts in a vacuum - neither in the individual actions, nor in the context of the community as a whole.  It is important to consider the whole of the person’s relationships with the world when considering  their worth.  

Find Excuses for Behavior That Seems Unkind

“In justice you shall judge your neighbor.”  Leviticus 19:15.  

Give your neighbor the benefit of the doubt.  Telushkin quotes a rabbi who meets with a group on a weekly basis to discuss slights they have suffered since the previous meeting - and who come up with reasons that people might not have realized their actions seemed slighting.

Can we push this up to the level of thinking about the kidnappers of the three Israeli teenagers?  What would make someone kidnap and kill someone else?  They looked at the Israelis as occupiers?  They wanted to send some kind of message?  Their own lives were so devoid of hope that they wanted to spread a sense of nihilism into the community?  Do any of these reasons justify the kidnapping and killing of three young men - collateral damage?  Could the presence of a yeshivah in Hebron so outrage certain members of the Hebron community that they felt justified in kidnapping and killing three random young men?  

Where does this end?  And at what point does someone justifiably say, “This and no more.”  When does judge your neighbor in justice become playing the patsy?